Being

One recurring struggle that I have is that I tend to define myself based on what I do, and measure my worth based on my performance in serving and doing things for people. That's one reason why I find vacation times or breaks very weird because I don't really have anything to do. This is probably part of the Waterloo-workload-conditioning because there was usually no free time at school, and whenever I had free time I was in a state of shock.

Sometimes I find it hard just to enjoy the company of people because my mind is constantly thinking about doing more things. And it is easy for me to have the attitude of just wanting to fulfill a duty and not really put my heart into it.

Also, I believe one of my spiritual gifts is serving, and I really take delight in serving others and do good especially to the family of believers (Gal 6:10). But there are also times that I go overboard in doing good to others, so that when my effort is not appreciated or accepted, I tend to get disappointed.

And we are "human beings", but it is easy to be a "human doing". We tend to be defined by what we do and place our worth in how good we perform in school, work, ministry. Many of us get easily stressed about exams, busy times at work, serving at a big church event because it is a big deal that we do well in those areas. I think it is a good thing to pursue to do well, but we should not put that as our first priority because the pursuit of doing well can become our idol.

 Instead, we should be defined by who we are. And who we are?

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" - 1 John 3:1

This is intense because our identity is a child of God, and this is only possible through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. God love us not because we are doing good to make us love-able, but Jesus died for us while we're still sinners (Romans 5:8). Our worth is based on the sacrifice that was paid for our sins, the work of Christ on the cross. Our identity is in Christ, and we are blessed to be called God's children, and we should remember this.

I like to give the cliche encouragement "Do your best, and leave God the rest" because I think we can only do what we can at the best of our abilities, and trust that God is pleased with us, and that He will carry us for His best plan. In the end, our first priority is to glorify God, and He is not glorified when we put a higher focus on other things.

This is something I am in continuous need to remind myself and learn!