how to decide on job

As we grow older, the magnitude of the decisions we make are also bigger with greater consequences. Life can definitely go into many states of uncertainty.  As a kid, my parents decide on where I should live, what school to go, what to eat, etc. There is no such thing as choosing a course in the school I went, so I didn't really get to make decisions on courses. Probably the first big decision that I had to make is about which university to apply and if got accepted, which one to go to.

I was good in Math and Physics, so I went for Engineering, and by process of elimination, Electrical Engineering became my first choice. Somehow I ended up coming to the University of Waterloo, kind of far from home, with different culture and language, and with very cold winters. So far, this is one of the best decisions made so far.

Once in University, things are still pretty structured, I have courses, then I have to apply for coop jobs, and then so on, until I school is done. Though Engineering was a pretty tough degree, it never crossed my mind to switch. Once undergrad is done, the next big decision is to apply for a full-time job, and here is where I think life gets slightly more complicated because there are so many options and there is no longer a "curriculum".

What type of job to apply? How long should I work in this job? What career options should I pursue? Should I consider other job industries?

I have been working more than 4 years since I graduated, and it has been a very challenging experience. There is less flexibility at work than school, and the magnitude of pressure and stress from work seems to be a couple of notches above school; well the good thing is that there is usually no homework.

I feel that it is easy for years to pass without noticing, and these last couple of years I feel it has been a blur. So, I think it is important to constantly reflect and review on what's going on, and decide whether to keep going at the current job or to consider other options.

Here are a couple of questions or points that I am reflecting upon to help me determine what should I do with my current job situation:

• Finding fulfillment at my job
• Many times people ask me if I enjoy my work, and to be honest I like part of my job, but I cannot say I enjoy it always, because there are bad days and there is no perfect job where we will enjoy every single characteristic of it. Hence I am gravitating toward the word "fulfillment". Do I find satisfaction on what I do at work? Am I using the full extent of my capabilities at work? Am I causing a positive impact? (this is very linked to the next point)
• Glorying God at my job
• The classic example is to be an active witness of Christ at work, to find opportunity to share the gospel, and to make the work place a better place 
• There is also the intrinsic value of doing an excellent work at what you do. This is not for gaining praises to feed our pride, but this is to utilize the gifts God had given to us, and to gain a good reputation so that God can use us to influence our work place.
• How your job affects the other aspects of your life
• Does your job takes away time from you to do other things that are important to you? Does your job affects your health? Does my job hinder my personal growth. Sometimes work can drain you quite a bit, or causes you very high level of stress. It might not be the job itself but lack of a personal balance, and this likely will impact your spiritual health.

John Piper wrote a pretty helpful article about this topic: http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/how-to-decide-about-your-next-job

on waiting

Recently I had to go to Toronto downtown to apply for a Peruvian visa as I am going to a South American trip this summer. I originally thought this should be a fairly simple task that might take me a couple of hours. 

So I went on a Wednesday, and told my manager that I will make up the hours later in the evening. I had to:

• wake up earlier than usual to take the bus to the Charles St. Terminal
• take the greyhound to downtown Toronto, 
• take the subway to Young/Bloor. 

As I arrived to the consul...

• 10:30 am - I arrived,  there was only one person before me
• 11:00 am - attendant called me, so I submitted the paperwork for the visa application, and I was told to sit and wait. 
• 12:25 pm - attendant was saying that everything looks good, but that the "person in charge" wants to interview me (I was not sure if this is a required thing or whether it is a just formality or I was just randomly selected). So he asked me to come back the next day, but I told him that I am out of town and that it takes me at least 3 hours to commute from my place in Waterloo to the consul. But there was nothing he can do, so I had to come back on Friday (I didn't want to take back-to-back days off at work).

On Friday, the same routine happened, but a bit different...

• 10:30 am - here was at least 10 people before me
• 11:30 am - there was at least 20 people in the room and there was only one attendant available, so it was very very very slow.
• 12:30 pm - I had the interview with the "person in charge", and she did not find anything sketchy about me. Then I was asked to come on another day to pick up the visa, and I reacted hesitantly, so they told me that they will try their best and asked me to come back in 2 hours. 
• 1:00 pm - went to Hero's burger
• 1:30 pm - went to Starbucks, and burn most of the time reading a good Christian leadership book, while chatting on whatsapp with a friend who recently got married.
• 2:30 pm - I came back and waited 
• 3:45 pm - I finally got the Peruvian visa! 

So it took me almost triple the amount of time than I originally thought, and I was fairly frustrated with the process of waiting. I realized I am not as patient as I thought I would be.

So I came across this article about waiting (in the Christian context): http://theresurgence.com/2014/05/21/7-ways-to-follow-god-s-will-for-your-wait

I have spoken with many peers, and in general I find a similar struggle in my life stage where most of us are working, but we are not fully convinced that this is what we are gonna do for the rest of our lives. And then we start exploring about other possibilities (other work industries, other cities, or working on more ministry-related work) and it is really hard to find a clear answer. So we rely on prayer and waiting, and hoping that God will reveal to us an answer, eventually. 

It's hard because we don't know how long the wait is, and I easily can either grow impatient or not paying attention to my current present, because I focus too much on the future stuff. But in reality I should be paying more attention on the opportunities God is giving me in the present!

After reading the article, I was encouraged, because even if we don't see much "progress" in the waiting, there are undeniable facts about God's goodness and greatness:

• God is sovereign, and I have little control of my situation, so I should not have to worry
• God is faithful, so He will not abandon me
• God does not waste the experiences that He is making you go through, so it is a good time to focus on areas of my spiritual growth that is lacking, and find opportunities to serve
• God is unchangeable, and He has done so many good things to me in the past, and even now, so I should constantly be reminded of how He carried me through in the past

At this point, I still do not fully comprehend the periods of waiting, but I can rest assured that God is working, and I have to put my faith on Him.

"Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord;

     Lord, hear my voice.

Let your ears be attentive

    to my cry for mercy.

If you, Lord, kept a record of sins,

    Lord, who could stand?

But with you there is forgiveness,

    so that we can, with reverence, serve you.

I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,

    and in his word I put my hope.

I wait for the Lord

    more than watchmen wait for the morning,

    more than watchmen wait for the morning."

                   - Psalm 130:1-6

trip home

I had the joy to visit home recently, and it has been almost 3 years since I last went home. Actually it was surreal to me when I got out of the airport in Guatemala. I just could not believe I was home. One of my best friends came pick me up (because my mom was sick) and we went out to a local fried chicken place for dinner, and that was so good! As we drove to the streets and saw different places, many things were very familiar to me, but it seems foreign at the same time.

I am really happy from the trip.

From a logistical point, I was not stressed about scheduling my short week at home. Usually, I get many requests to meet up with different groups of people, and it can be very stressful to accommodate everyone. So this time, instead of saying "yes" to everyone,  I decided to just put people on hold, and consult with my mom first. As a result, my days were pretty relaxing, I got to meet up with everyone (family, church friends, high school friends, high school teachers) I wanted to see, and it was not rushed to go from a meeting to another one.

From a purpose-driven point, I wanted to focus on strengthening relationships with my mom and her side of the family. I have to admit that I am not too close to her, nor to her side of the family. So I wanted to talk to them more, to get to know them, and also to share with them about my life. I made a point to have meaningful conversation, but I wished I was more bold in certain times when I could share about my faith. Despite my weakness, I was happy to have a deep conversation with my mom about the gospel, and I can sense her desire to learn more about God. And that is very encouraging.

It was also neat to not have easy internet access, and that made more focused to think about things.

A realization I have after visiting my high school is that I am very blessed. The teachers were happy to see me, and happy to know that one of their students were able to attain some level of success in a foreign country. Most of them expressed that they knew I will get far in life. For more context, it is not easy for someone in Guatemala to go study abroad and find a job. I am reminded that I am very blessed to have the family support, the education, the skills, and the opportunity to study and work in Canada.

More so, it is really God who orchestrated all of this, and I am very thankful for what He has done.

And this linked to another lesson, which is that without God, I cannot achieve anything. I received many compliments from family and friends, and it is easy to lose sight that it is God who granted you all this. So I am reminded to be humble at all times. This is one of the fiercest battle in my life, and every day I need to learn how to humble myself as God can make you very successful, but He can also take it away in no time. So all the successes we have is to be attributed to our God.

And then, another realization came by because there were many talks about old anecdotes in school and in fellowship. And I am blessed that many people hold me in high regard because I was able to serve and help them in some way. This reminds me of the importance to live each day being very mindful on how you want people to remember you. Not because of self-glory, but because we are ambassadors of Christ. We want people to see that it is God who is enabling us to love one another sincerely.

ps. all these thoughts came around 2-3am haha

Thank you Jesus

I have been reading the Old Testament starting from Genesis with the goal to go through the entire Old Testament. In the past, I often skipped the "boring" parts, so I have not read books like Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy.

So as I was reading a couple of days ago, there is this prophecy that Jacob made to his son Judah:

"The scepter will not depart from Judah,
    nor the ruler’s staff from between his feet,
until he comes to whom it belongs
    and the obedience of the nations is his." - Genesis 49:10

It is a prophecy about the Messiah, who will come from the line of Judah. This is not the earliest prophecy about Christ, but I still think it is quite awesome that God has planned everything so perfectly according to His good will. There are many prophecies about Christ, that He will be born from a virgin, that He will be born in Bethlehem, that He will take away our sorrows and give up His life for our transgressions. It's just amazing that God planned this with such accuracy, showing that He is truly sovereign, in control, and all-powerful. But, God did not have to go through all this, and it will be ok to leave humans as they are, but God is rich in grace, that He sent Jesus to die for us. God is the one who initiated everything, we didn't do anything to deserve it. Intense.

As I was reading through Exodus, it is kind of disappointing to see the Israelites complaining against Moses (and eventually against God) when they were in the desert without water or food. God has just owned the Egyptians in the most spectacular way possible, and delivered them from the harsh slavery, but they tend to forget God's awesomeness so easily. But that actually reminds me of myself since it is so easy to forget about how good God is, and I start to complain about uncertainties in my life, and act sinfully even though He has just blessed me recently. The more I think about that, the larger God's grace becomes.

Christmas is a good reminder of the grace that is in Christ Jesus. It's definitely a great time to spend joyfully with close relatives and friends. I have chosen to spend some days in solitude because I really need the personal time with God, to ponder and be marveled at His immeasurable grace. It is a good time for me to rest, to get recharged, to reflect about my life, and to set goals for the near future. This is really helpful since work life has been considerably busy and draining. I have also set some time to catch up with family and close friends via skype since life becomes so busy that if one is not intentional, it is really hard to keep up with relationships.

Christmas is such a joyful times. All for the praise of His glory. Thank you Jesus.

who do you think you are

This is a very common line from one of the greatest anime Gurren Lagaan, and it is an expression (like an outcry) of challenge and courage when fighting against enemies. One of the premise of this anime show is to overcome fear and find courage to confront our enemies, hence I consider it as the most manliness show I have seen. And I say this phrase quite often when young people are jokingly "disrespecting" the older people haha.

So my housemate jokingly recommended me this book from Mark Driscoll: http://store.theresurgence.com/products/who-do-you-think-you-are

I haven't bought it yet, but I am thinking about it (well I have this self-imposing rule that I cannot buy any more books until I finish reading a good number of the books I have). But the question "who do you think you are" is really a good question for each of us to ask ourselves.

I don't intend to target this question in its full entirety, but I want to emphasize an aspect of it that has affected me (I believe that it is a common syndrome among Chinese Christians from a conservative background).

I am Chinese, and became Christian around the age of 16, and I attended a Chinese Christian church which was fairly conservative. So I think the mix of my culture and the church environment influenced me in valuing hard work (in both serving and studying). This is actually a very good thing. But there is also a dangerous side about it because I valued myself based on the things I do (my works), and on how well I performed. My view of God was more of a supreme commander that I am serving for (like 2 Timothy 2:4), but did not understand how I can view Him as a heavenly Father.

Hence, during many times the motivation for me to serve was based solely on duty, and not so much based on the compulsion of His fatherly love towards me. Just to clarify, duty is needed (Like 17), and it is helpful to develop discipline, but the presence of a willing and loving response because of God's love is also necessarily. In some ways, I think I was trying to earn God's love through my dutiful service. This is kinda parallel with a good child trying to earn his parent's love and approval through school and life achievements. It does not seem a bad thing at first sight, but the issue of identity is at stake here.

A brother of mine told me these words "Your good work will not make God love you more, and your flaws will not make God love you less" which really spoke to me. I started to realize more of our identity in Christ, that our value is not based on how good we are, but that God has loved us so much (John 3:16, 1 John 3:16) that He has gave His only Son to die for our sins. It is by grace that we have been saved not by our works (Ephesians 2:8-9). Hence, we are dearly loved children of God (1 John 3:1) and we can be reassured by the Holy Spirit that there is not anything that will separate us from this love that is in Christ (Romans 8:31-39). This is all because God is so good, so glory and praise be unto His name!

So whenever we feel stressed, insecure, disappointed, angry, etc... ask yourself "who do you think you are?" The Almighty Creator, King of kings, Lord of lords, the Maker of heaven and earth loves you despite our faults, dear child of God.

Top 5 of Hong Kong

It has been quiet lately, but I came back recently from a trip from Hong Kong which was great! Actually I lived in Hong Kong for two years when I was a kid so this city has a place in my heart. As I visited, I pondered about what are the things I like about Hong Kong, and whether I want to live there in the future. So I decided to post my 5 likes and dislikes about HK.

Five likes:

5. Transportation: MTR and 2-level buses
The MTR (subway) is an immensely convenient way to get around. An engineering piece of art. While I really like the 2-level buses because it is so comfortable to sit in the top level (since I am always walking), and you get to see the city as you travel.

4. Efficiency
I am always impressed at how fast and accurate people deliver in HK. Whether it is serving your food, giving you change, processing paperwork...

3. Shopping
You can get very decent quality clothing at very cheap price. Or you can get brand name stuff too without having to pay sale taxes like in Canada. As well there are electronics stuff. Also, there are random stuff you can get in the streets. Moreover, shops don't close like until 10-11pm.

2. Excellent Food
There are many great places to eat, and it is relatively cheap. There is also a great variety of places, not to say that there is a restaurant every 10 steps you take. I have to make a honorific mention to hot milk tea. It is just intense.

1. Family
Both my dad and grandma are there, so it is also very valuable to spend quality time with them, and maybe get spoiled by them for a bit.

Five dislikes:


5. Salespersons
In some shops, when I enter to look at things I feel like a vulnerable deer getting attacked by hungry hyenas. And in some cases, salespersons are like robots because they just repeat the same phrase whenever they see you "Welcome" or "Feel free to look around". It's like they have a sensor, and whenever they detect a living organism, they will just spill out these words even though you heard it a few times.

4. Stress
Since things are so efficient that people are always on the go, very fast paced. No slowing down, and this leads to a very high levels of stress. It seems very challenging to have a good work-leisure balance. There are no places to sit in malls! That's how stressful it is.

3. Emphasis on appearance
I notice that people (especially female homo sapiens) like to dress well and look good. I think it is fair to want to look nice, but I feel that it is way too much. I don't have enough facts, but I get the sense that there is way too much focus on outward appearance.


2. Lack of personal space
It's crazy how pricey living space is, and unfortunately this leads to very cramped places where people barely has personal space to spend quiet time. If the environment is so fast paced and stressful, I personally need some down time with my own space to recharge. I think part of the reason why people go out a lot is because there is not much space at home.

1. Too much shopping
Though shopping is good in HK, the amount of people I see shopping after school hours or during weekends is crazy. At peak hours, I feel like an electron trying to pass through an insulator because of the insane amount of people. And there is shopping every where, and at all times... so it tells me that people are very materialistic. Also heard that HK has one of the best second-hand market, since people buy stuff and don't want it after a short time since new models are released. Yeah, it's kind of sad I think.


I just wanted to point out my random thoughts, but as well I realized that there would always be pros and cons in whatever place I choose to make a living. There will always be things I like about it, and things I dislike about it. As I continue pondering, I can see the factors of finding a good job and establishing a family as big weights for this kind of decision.

But I would like to add another factor, which is the vision that God has given me. Do I have a burden to invest in this specific city? How can I impact this city in a positive manner? How can I utilize the gifts that God has given me for His service? We are the salt and light of world, and so wherever we go, we ought to shine Christ.

Gate of Babylon

From the anime Fate Zero (mentioned in this post), there is a character by the name of Gilgamesh, who can be summoned by a magician to fight. Gilgamesh is some sort of a legendary Babylon king who is famous for collecting and storing riches in the "Gate of Babylon". Specifically, he collects swords, and his technique "Gate of Babylon" is all about explosive swords flying at you at the speed of sound. That move is kinda cool, that even Final Fantasy 13-2 has a boss who uses it. Gilgamesh also stores very fine wine in that gate.

Gilgamesh's character is one who boasts a lot of himself, and looks down at everyone else to the point of calling them mongrels. He boasts in his success of collecting the best swords of the world.

This made me think of the concept of storing treasure, which one of my favorite passages of the bible talk about:

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." - Matthew 6:19-21

So I want to follow through an earlier post I have: http://koinowarrior.blogspot.ca/2010/03/what-are-you-thirsting-for.html

From the start of sermon of the mount (Matthew 5) until the above passage, Jesus talks about various laws at which many Jews obey it by the letter, but fail to obey by the spirit. For example, one will not murder his brother, but he might have thoughts of hatred towards him. Or one man will not commit adultery, but will look lustfully at a woman. There is a big emphasis on the person's inner motive. It is not about the outward appearance, because it is easy to fake living like a Christian. So the question reside in the motivation behind a person's action.

When it pertains to good actions like studying hard, working hard, and serving hard, it is important to reflect and ask ourselves why are we doing this. Are we doing it for our selfish gain, for popularity, for reputation, for success? Or are we truly working as we are doing it for the Lord (Col 3:23)? What drives you to pursue to do those good actions? What do you desire? It is important to understand that we need to focus on God and His Kingdom in the activities we do here on earth. That the primarily focus is on God, and not in the activities themselves, because we can get too attached to a ministry that it comes an idol, or we can be mastered by the success of studies, and that is also idolatry.

I also want to introduce my concept of "kingdom currency". Whenever I make decisions regarding serving and investing my time I consider prayerfully which choice will grant me more impact in the Kingdom work. So it's like where I can invest more in the Kingdom, so that it will create more "kingdom currency". Regardless, it is very important invest in the Kingdom in the activities we are involved in. For example, if we are serving hard, it is not just about running the program but about impacting and investing in the people who attend the program. If we are studying hard is because we want to be trained so that we can use the skills in the future for God's work. If we are working hard, it is because we can become a good witness towards others.

So what's the meaning of "storing up treasure in heaven"? I don't think I have a good grasp of this concept yet, but my current thought is that we as Christians ought to focus on God in everything we do because Christ Himself is our most precious treasure and in Him we find joy. Hence, if God is our treasure, our hearts is also there, and consequently we would want to act in alignment to His will. As a result, our character is transformed, we study hard with joy, we work hard with joy, we serve hard with joy, we impact other's people's lives (through discipling, teaching, mentoring, evangelizing, witnessing). I think these are the treasures that cannot be taken away.

I think the next step is to encourage and challenge others to living in the same manner. So let each of our "gate of Babylon" that encapsulates the testimonies, character molding, impact in people's live, the track of records in God's work leave a legacy for others to follow.

As the time for Easter comes near, let us reflect in the motivation of why do we do the things we do. We have been saved by the sacrifice of our Lord Jesus Christ on the cross, and we are not to live for ourselves, but we live for our risen King.

Just to clarify

I have been posting quite a bit about anime shows I watched, and I bring out insights that I get from these. And usually I relate it to some sort of a spiritual lesson for my Christian walk. I just want to clarify that I am not advocating that watching shows is the way to learn spiritual lessons. As Christians we believe in that the bible is God-breathed and it is useful for instructing us:

"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work." - 2 Timothy 3:16-17

The bible is the source of authority and truth, and as Christians we believe that God speaks to us today through His Word, and that the Holy Spirit help us discern the truth and empower us to apply the lessons learned. That is the reason why personal bible reading and group bible studies are so key in a believer's growth.

So when a scene from an anime causes me to think about something deeper, and I get an insight from it, it is not the anime acting like the source of truth, but it is what I have already learned from the bible that is making me think such insight (pardon my run on sentence). We are created in God's image (Genesis 1:27), and we bear some of the moral characteristics and creativity from God, though it is obviously tainted by sin (Genesis 3). So God is a creator, and I believe that the creativity in human beings to write novels, compose music, art expressions, and engineering innovation is given by God.

So when I analyze the anime I am watching, I can appreciate the author's worldview on certain life issues, and it can be important because it can represent the society's viewpoint. This prompts me to come up with a Christian response. This in a way creates a pathway for me to share my Christian faith in this world when I discuss movies and anime with my friends.

By the way, I don't always watch anime to think about these things, most of the time I just want to mindlessly enjoy a show, hehe.

Knowledge influencing faith

Happy New Year 2012

I pray that this year will be one of much learning in the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ our Lord, and that God will use each of you in the work of His Kingdom!

I will try my best to share my random insights and some aspects of my walk through this blog.

I was surprised while I was reading one of the recent chapters of Full Metal Panic (FMP) manga that the name of "Guatemala" showed up. Yeah, I was born and raised in that country, but not a lot of people really know about this country, so it was very amusing and funny when I read it:

Unfortunately, the mention of Guatemala has a negative connotation here since it talks about "guerrillas" that were in the civil war during the last century.

Talking about FMP, it is one of my top-tier favorite series. It has a combo of the many things I enjoyed: solid and interesting characters, action, comedy, romance, unique story, character development. One aspect of the unique story is that there are some people called the "whispered" which by some weird reason gets highly advanced scientific information whispered into them, and these people are very smart and have the knowledge that can contribute to the advance of technology. In many ways, this can help in a positive way to make advancement in the medical field. At the same time, this causes military technology to advance as well in creating better weapons. So the knowledge this "whispered" have can impact society both in a positive and negative way.

So in a Christmas party, I had a very good conversation with a brother about how theological knowledge can affect your faith. The conversation started by talking about sermons at church, and how some sermons are more like a theological lecture, while others are more application-based, etc. We are both similar as in we have an engineering degree, we enjoy learning facts, and we like to dig in deeper in many topics of theology and church (eg. Calvinism vs Arminianism, Soteriology, Discipleship, Church History, Mission of Church). I told him that I like sermons that have much theological content, and then he asked me how does this knowledge help in building up my faith.

We talked about the dangers of knowing more theology. One of them is pride. Like the Pharisees, it is easy to feel prideful when you know more than the average member of your fellowship, when you can answer much of the questions that people have, when you can "show off" in deep discussions. And this a struggle I have, that when I learned more theology I start seeing myself better than others. Another struggle I have is that I have less of the "child-like" faith in God. So I tend to scrutinize everything with the framework of knowledge I have (which is not bad thing to do), but I rely too much on it and don't really trust wholeheartedly that God can work despite the imperfection of men.

So how does more theological knowledge can help in growing my faith? I really enjoy reading Paul's letters, and they are usually structured with: greetings and thanksgivings, exposition of some deep theological truths, and practical behavior that comes from believing these truths.

I think that applications of Christian living comes from being convicted of the Christian theological truths. For example, the command "love your neighbors" is something that many other religions would agree on, and it is like a moral standard for much people. So how is the Christian faith different then? As Christian, I know that I am sinful and that innumerable times I failed to love my neighbors. And that it is only because Christ lives in me, that I can love my neighbors unconditionally and imitate the way Christ loves us.

I believe that the theological truths should convict me about how much more glorious our God is, and how a wretched sinful man I am. For example, every Christian believer knows that Christ died for our sins, and this truth convicts me that I am sinful, and I need the grace of God. But understanding more about the word "propitiation" (which is the action of turning aside the wrath of God and appease Him so that we can find ourselves in a favorable position in God's eyes) convicts me even more of how much gracious and glorious our God is, and how much more sinful I am.

And we concluded that the theological truths should encourage and challenge us to worship Christ more, so that our lifestyle will reflect the implications of these truths. So I do encourage the pursuit of learning the Christian theological truths, but don't let that pursuit be what you worship, but the knowledge gained should point us towards the worship of God.

"Now, The­ol­ogy is like the map. Merely learn­ing and think­ing about the Chris­t­ian doc­trines, if you stop there, is less real and less excit­ing than the sort of thing my friend got in the desert. Doc­trines are not God: they are only a kind of map. But that map is based on the expe­ri­ence of hun­dreds of peo­ple who really were in touch with God-experiences com­pared with which any thrills or pious feel­ings you and I are likely to get on our own are very ele­men­tary and very con­fused. And sec­ondly, if you want to get any fur­ther, you must use the map. You see, what hap­pened to that man in the desert may have been real, and was cer­tainly excit­ing, but noth­ing comes of it. It leads nowhere. There is noth­ing to do about it. In fact, that is just why a vague religion-all about feel­ing God in nature, and so on-is so attrac­tive. It is all thrills and no work; like watch­ing the waves from the beach. But you will not get to New­found­land by study­ing the Atlantic that way, and you will not get eter­nal life by sim­ply feel­ing the pres­ence of God in flow­ers or music. Nei­ther will you get any­where by look­ing at maps with­out going to sea. Nor will you be very safe if you go to sea with­out a map." -  23rd chap­ter of Mere Chris­tian­ity by C.S. Lewis

Being

One recurring struggle that I have is that I tend to define myself based on what I do, and measure my worth based on my performance in serving and doing things for people. That's one reason why I find vacation times or breaks very weird because I don't really have anything to do. This is probably part of the Waterloo-workload-conditioning because there was usually no free time at school, and whenever I had free time I was in a state of shock.

Sometimes I find it hard just to enjoy the company of people because my mind is constantly thinking about doing more things. And it is easy for me to have the attitude of just wanting to fulfill a duty and not really put my heart into it.

Also, I believe one of my spiritual gifts is serving, and I really take delight in serving others and do good especially to the family of believers (Gal 6:10). But there are also times that I go overboard in doing good to others, so that when my effort is not appreciated or accepted, I tend to get disappointed.

And we are "human beings", but it is easy to be a "human doing". We tend to be defined by what we do and place our worth in how good we perform in school, work, ministry. Many of us get easily stressed about exams, busy times at work, serving at a big church event because it is a big deal that we do well in those areas. I think it is a good thing to pursue to do well, but we should not put that as our first priority because the pursuit of doing well can become our idol.

 Instead, we should be defined by who we are. And who we are?

"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" - 1 John 3:1

This is intense because our identity is a child of God, and this is only possible through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. God love us not because we are doing good to make us love-able, but Jesus died for us while we're still sinners (Romans 5:8). Our worth is based on the sacrifice that was paid for our sins, the work of Christ on the cross. Our identity is in Christ, and we are blessed to be called God's children, and we should remember this.

I like to give the cliche encouragement "Do your best, and leave God the rest" because I think we can only do what we can at the best of our abilities, and trust that God is pleased with us, and that He will carry us for His best plan. In the end, our first priority is to glorify God, and He is not glorified when we put a higher focus on other things.

This is something I am in continuous need to remind myself and learn!

Gentle whisper

It has been more than 7 months since I last blogged. This is kinda ridiculous that I am slacking that much. I have to admit that laziness is one reason why I have not blogged for a while. Also, I have been quite drained by work (even though it is only 9-5, it can take a lot away from you), as well as busy after work with some sort of ministry. I tend to like to fill my schedule because I want to be useful to God with the time I have. But there are many points in my life when living this full-schedule has been doing more harm than good in my relationship with God, because I just don't enough spend time alone with Him, quiet down myself in prayer, talk to Him in prayer, and meditate on His Word. Sometimes it is just difficult to feel that God is near.

As time increases, symptoms of burnout increases.

This has been a struggle lately. And it is something that I was aware of, and was hopefully wanting to overcome it at the start of the fall term, but this term has been quite demanding. 

But somehow, God has been giving me certain realizations here and there, as well as encouragements from brothers and sisters, and just personal conviction that God is indeed near and He is gentle whispering to me to focus on Him every time. Now that the term pretty much ended, I have some time to rest up physically, reflect on the things I need to improve, and replenish myself with the goodness of God. And I look forward for this, to just really deepening communion with God every day.

I look forward to prayer walks, reading more (both the bible and as well as Christian literature), blogging, and writing personal emails (I really like personal correspondence!). Blogging is definitely good because it helps me to put in words the realizations from God, and it makes me discipline to be constantly thinking about God and His interaction with people, and I hope that by the grace of God this can be encouraging to others.

One of the most memorable CCF bible studies was on summer 2007, when we did 1 King 19, which talks about an ownage person like Elijah. He did great things but he fled when the queen Jezebel was persecuting him. Elijah feels lonely, unmotivated, tired, inadequate, depressed (all of these seems signs of burnout). Then the Lord speaks to Eljiah, but Elijah responds with much complains. Then the Lord manifests His great power:

"Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”" - 1 Kings 19:11-13

God is able to perform so many powerful things (very strong winds, earthquake, fire) but the Lord came and spoke to Elijah through a gentle whisper. This shows that God is merciful and gracious, that His gentleness breaks the tough hearts of men to draw them back to Him. God is intense.

magnets

Now I want to transition from serving to leadership (an appropriate topic since it is CCF committee elections!).

What is leadership? I let some experts define it:

"Leadership is influence" - John Maxwell

Dave Kraft on Leadership

Here Dave Kraft mentions the existence of a "vision". Furthermore, Blackaby defines spiritual leadership as "moving people on to God's agenda".

When I first served in committee, an older spiritual brother introduced to me John Maxwell, a Christian author  who writes book about leadership (his audience aren't only Christians, but also general corporate leaders). So I read Developing the Leader within You. And on my following work term, I read Spiritual Leadership by Blackaby.

Definitely, I learned a lot from these experienced Christian authors about what leadership is all about. And as of now, I define leadership as "influence to move people to a place described in a vision". In the Christian context, this vision is given by God.

So yeah, leaders are like magnets that exerts a magnetic field which cause atoms to be aligned in the same direction and creates an attraction force (I am forgetting a lot of this stuff learned from school!). To a certain extent, I think everyone should be a leader in a certain area (relationships, small groups, ministries, fellowship, leading someone to faith, etc).

The first bible study I helped write is about the book of Nehemiah, which brings back interesting memories. And I want to go through it, to dissect what the bible tells us about leadership, which I really like to talk about.

Double Fish-O-Fillet

So yeah, according to wikipedia, double fish-o-fillet is usually available during lent (makes sense for those giving up red meat). It's good stuff, double the goodness, very enjoyable. Everyone should go and get one!

Serving God is a great privilege, and God does not need us, but still He gives us a new life, and molds us and chooses to use us to do His work. Also, serving does take time, and we usually need to either cut our lesser priorities or work harder. So it is not easy, some people who serves are already very busy with school and many other responsibilities, but out of obedience they jump into serving.

Even though, the motivation to serve comes from a grateful heart to the work of God in us, and that we usually serve in an area where matches our strength, and probably a ministry that we enjoy. But that does not take out the fact that serving requires responsibility, discipline, and hard work. So serving is adding load to a believer (filling up his plate), and leaders usually have big loads.

Let's look at the fish-o-fillet, a single fillet is really good, but not satisfying and filling enough since it is kind of small. But, when you eat a double fillet, it's very satisfying. Similarly, a person who is not keeping his hands busy for the Lord, might not be "satisfying" the potential for what he/she was created for. But someone who actively keeps him/herself in the Lord's affairs, using his/her time for the Lord, is satisfying the purpose of the abundant life in Christ (John 10:10).

I am not advocation that the more you serve, the busier you are, the more holy you are. By no means! My point is that every believer should first seek God, deepen his/her relationship with Him, and be sensitive to what He desires, and fill your plate to what He entrusts you with. And when your plate is full, it might busy, it might be harder to handle everything else, but if that is what God is calling, He will provide and His grace is sufficient (2 Cor. 12:9). On the other hand, worshiping "serving" is bad, as the focus is no longer on God, and your plate might break leading to burn out.

My desire is that everyone go in pursuing what God is entrusting each of you, out of obedience. That you can become one who the Lord can say "well done, good and faithful servant" (Matthew 25:21).

Common obstacles

Serving in CCF leadership has taught the importance of encouraging other members to serve. Some people tend to actively think about serving and some not. And many times when I encourage people to serve, I get reasons why they don't want to serve. Some are valid, some I like to challenge here:

I am inadequate

Undoubtedly, the realization of our sinfulness is important to realize how vast God's grace is. But satan can use it to attack our sense of worth and self-esteem. The sense of guilt of sin can be so big that we are deterred from wanting to do anything for God because we feel so unworthy. 

The important thing is to know and be convinced that Jesus' blood has cleansed us from all sins. Hebrews 4:14-16 and Hebrews 10:22 are powerful verses that reminds us that we have a great priest, Jesus, who understands us, and is interceding for us, and that through Him we have access to the Father. 

In a sense, we are all unworthy, but because of the costly blood that Jesus shed for us, we find our worth and identity in Christ, and is in Jesus where we put our trust in.

"For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins." - 2 Peter 1:5-9

It's intimidating

I agree. I was afraid of public speaking, and serving in certain positions, I have to stand up to say something to the fellowship. And in the first bible studies I led, there was definitely fear in me.  In committee, there were many moment of fear... 

Obviously, as I grew closer to God, and got more experience, the fear tends to dissipate. But I am a weak man, so I am still afraid. 

The key is to know how to react to that fear. Matthew 14:30 is a good example of how our first response should be to seek help from our Lord. Ultimately, we have to realize that it is not through my power that I serve, but through the power of the Holy Spirit. If we understand that we are vessels that allows the Spirit to work in us, we are able to find strength.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9

I don't know enough about Christianity

Well, I think no one will ever know and understand 100% of the bible. It's amazing how every time I read a familiar passage, I am able to get new revelations. The Word of God is so rich!

So what is enough? I think some roles might require some matured Christian knowledge, but there are plenty of roles that do not require Christian theology expertise. Also, you need to start from somewhere. I would placed more priority in the desire to grow and learn vs threshold of knowledge. 

For example, when I first led bible studies, I wasn't too well nourished with biblical knowledge. I understood the basics of my faith and knew some familiar books of the bible. I remembered in one member's meeting, there was a concern that bible studies were a bit shallow, and I thought the bible studies were so deep! 

But as I continued to lead bible studies, God really showed me many things about how powerful His Word is, and this transformed my life. It is actually through serving that I learned the most about Christianity.

I don't have enough time

Everyone has 24 hours. Of course, people have different priorities and commitments. The main question is, what are your priorities? Is Jesus your number one? Because if God is up there, then I would want to prioritize my time for what God wants me to do.

Honestly, there are many ways I can make time. I personally like to read manga and watch anime. Sometimes, I abuse of it and it ends up taking a lot of my time. It is not good. We live in a very distractive world. There can always be improvements for my time management. 

The important thing is to know the size of your plate (as my last blog post). Make sure to full it up with what God is entrusted to you, so that you can use your full potential to serve Him.

Conclusion

Let's examine ourselves carefully, as I had used some of these reasons myself. When I think about it, they are just excuses of my lack of willingness to serve. It really boils down to either me being selfish and me having a lack of faith (of the effectiveness of the blood of Christ and the power of God). Faith can be explosive. Do we really believe God?

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him" - Hebrews 11:6

training chamber

In many fighting anime like Dragon Ball Z, there is a lot of growth in power in the main characters. They usually undergo different seasons of training to get themselves stronger to fight new powerful enemies. Usually, they like to hack it, and use a "training chamber" in which time runs slower. So one year inside the chamber equals to 1 day of real time. Therefore, they can take advantage of this chamber to get themselves a lot stronger in no time. Many other anime follow the same idea... Good childhood memories :)

I personally see CCF has a training ground. University is a very critical time, and for myself it was a time to develop my character, mature mentally and spiritually, commit seriously to my faith... many things that will probably impact the rest of my life.

And particularly serving has been one aspect of my Christian faith that has mold me and developed my character, and convicted me that I need to commit seriously to the faith I profess. If I didn't serve, I wouldn't have been able to integrate into the CCF community and get challenged to grow in Christ.

The usual question, where can I serve? Within CCF, there are many different ministries: worship, caring, outreach, av, bible studies, prayer, discussion leader, committee, personal initiatives, etc. Since there is only so much time, what factors should determine where I spend my time serving?

I started with welcome team (now part of caring ministry) in my 1B term. One of my main struggles during 1A is that CCF is twice the size of my home church, so it was very intimidating for me. So in my 1B I decided to join welcome team was my choice because I found an issue with the welcoming aspect of CCF, so I want to do something about it, and I am also able to understand how newcomers feel when coming to a big fellowship. That was a good experience as I got to know many of the members of the fellowship.

On 1B work term, a brother challenged me to lead bible study, and I said yes just because I thought this is a good area for me to explore and learn from. The first few experiences were slightly tough and difficult, but I really learned a lot, and discovered that I was able to handle small groups decently well.

Later on, I served on other areas like coordinating serving team for coffeehouse, stage crew for Lifesong, and coordinated a Lifesong. Many of these experiences developed my organizational and interpersonal skills. Eventually, the opportunity to run for committee came, and I took the step of faith to do it. And the role I was more affinitive is Program Coordinator, because of my liking for organizational stuff.

Based on my experience, there are a few things that I look at when deciding where to serve:

• what is God teaching me recently?
• what areas do I need to improve in my spiritual walk?
• what apparent needs do I see in my fellowship? Is there a way I can be part of the solution?
• what are my strengths, and how can I use these to serve God?

I can't say that all the answers will be crystal-clear, but they are good guidelines. We might not always get a clear answer, but the beauty of life is to trust in our God in midst of uncertainty.

Even though there is a lot of "I" in all these paragraphs, it's all God. Is He who pushed me into these ministries, is He who equipped me, is His power who prepared and enabled me to be effective, is He who sustained me. All glory goes to Him.

Size of the plate

There is a manga called Yakitate Japan which is one of the best comedy I have read. One of the those series that can literally make me roll on the floor. It's pretty interesting to think that a "break baking" anime can be that good.

So in the story (in the Monaco Cup arc), there is this special competition where you're given about 1 hour to get any ingredients you want from the local storehouse to make your bread. But they don't tell you any rules until you're finished with the ingredients. So one of the members of the Japanese team (Kai) decided to go Asian and get all the ingredients he can with the time he has. His rival (a French guy) was very selective and got only a few of his favorites ingredients.

After the hour, they were told to bake a break using all the ingredients they got. Meaning that if you have leftover ingredients, you're disqualified. And that was quite the big shock for the Japanese guy because he got so much on his plate! (btw the French guy knew the rule beforehand, that's why he only selected a few). Somehow, using his never-dying samurai spirit, Kai pulled it off, and beat the French guy!

One important aspect about serving is to know the size of your plate. Each of us are given different gifts and responsibilities, each of us have been entrusted different things from God. Not everyone is able to serve 20 hours a week in a fellowship. There is no norm how much everyone should serve. It boils down to knowing what God is entrusting you with, and how much you can handle. The assurance we have is that God will not give you more than you can handle, and He will always give you sufficient grace and strength.

Knowing yourself (last post) is key to help you know the size of your plate. The point is to fill the plate, not too empty that you're not using your full potential for God, nor too full that the plate will break making you ineffective (eventually burn out).

I probably on the latter end, always wanting to over-full my plate. There are many times when I get really exhausted and been in the border of burn out. So yeah, I need to grow in realizing that I need to do less and focus more on the wonders of God. Need to more like Mary and less than Martha (Luke 10).

For those who are in the other end, I encourage you to fill your plate as God can do wonders, He can show you more of His riches, and how joyful is to serve our Lord Jesus Christ.

"For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." - 2 Peter 1:5-8

Know yourself better

Through serving, I was able to get to know myself more:

• my weaknesses
• my strengths
• how much responsibilities I can handle
• how do I react in midst of difficulties and pressure
• what things I enjoy doing
• etc...

In one of Mark Driscoll's coaching sessions, Prophet, Priest, King (you need to sign up to access it), he mentions that there are 3 main types of leaders: Prophet, Priest, King (related to Jesus' role). Since we are called Christians, the best example to follow is Jesus Himself.

The main characteristics of each type:

• Prophet: good understanding of the truth revealed in Scripture, and gifted with teaching and exhortation.
• King: proficient at planning, executing, implementing, managing initiatives. 
• Priest: focused on caring for people, tending people's needs.

I had to privilege to serve in CCF committee, and it is neat to see the different leadership strengths and styles among fellow members. I notice each member is more leaning towards one type.

This does not mean that one person can only be of one type, but I think that as you get to know yourself better, you will find more identified with one type.

The goal is to help you understand yourself, and have more knowledge to discern how and where you can serve God, so that you can maximize your potential for the glory of God.

Why serve?

Last post, I briefly mentioned the contrast of how being a Christian, we are made alive in Christ, while before knowing Christ we are dead in our transgressions (Ephesians 2). To be alive, we are able to do things, to work for the purpose in which we are made us alive in, that is Christ. Also, I linked another post from a brother from Ephesians 4, that states how serving is key to attaining full maturity in Christ.

I remember hearing from some brother in CCF about the definition of serving: "the outward expression of God's goodness in us".

Something similar to the idea of spiritual breathing, in which we seek God through prayer and Scripture, deepening our relationship with Him (inhaling). This leads to signs of character transformation and action (exhaling). The key is that we work relying on God.

Personally, serving has been impacting in my life:

• Allows me to get to know fellow brothers and sisters in a deeper level
• Challenges me to know the Bible more
• Molds my character through experiences, mistakes, difficulties
• "Forces" me to truly rely on God
• Provides knowledge of my gifts, strengths, and weaknesses
• Generates abundant pure joy

It comes down in privilege. God doesn't need us to do His work. But He chose to let us co-partner with Him in His Kingdom work. He called us to be set apart for His work.

I believe I have the gift of service, and I am all for serving God and His people. But in my journey, I have found weaknesses and I learned my lessons:

• I should not serve only out of duty or out of need
• Serving more ministries does not make me superior or more righteous than others
• My identity is not based on the ministry I serve in, but on what Christ did on the cross
• Merciful heart is better than sacrifice
• I need to keep in check my pride when serving
• I should not worship my ministry

A brief update

It has been a while since I last blogged. It has been busy, work is demanding but not as bad as I expected because somehow the workload got lighter due to various reasons. Co-leading Breaking-down Brick Walls (BBW) has been also very time-consuming, but it is a joy and privilege to serve the fellowship in teaching members about studying the bible. We have covered the following topics:

• importance of the Bible
• Old Testament context (very high level)
• New Testament context (early church, also very hight level)
• various observation skills (repetition, connecting words, keywords... there are like more than 10 distinctive items to look for)
• sentence structure analysis
• translations (will cover it more extensively)

Honestly, I don't personally utilize many of these techniques to study the Bible myself. Perhaps some of these come naturally to me, but most of the time I get lazy and when I find a hard passage to decipher I usually go directly to trusted commentaries. I guess as I teach these techniques in BBW, I am also learning a lot, and it's really cool to dig into my set of old notes from my years in university to find some Sunday school handouts from PT about sentence structure analysis (which I don't do in a bible study) and I was so happy to find such hidden treasure :)

Looking back, many of these bible study techniques I acquired them through exposure to leading bible studies in CCF. During pre-studies, I don't only learn about the passage but also about how the DLs approached to get to a conclusion regarding the passage. It is through serving God that many of these skills are acquired, and  it took me much practice to be comfortable handling a bible passage. 

It was a dear brother of mine who encouraged me to lead bible studies during my 1B work term. I seriously never considered it, but since he was intentional in asking me, I decided to try it out. And my first bible study experience wasn't easy at all. I remembered there was a very intimidating-looking upper year in my group, so I was scared all the time, and doubting whether I was doing something wrong. But as I continue leading bible studies in CCF, I started to learn, grow in confidence in leading, and appreciate the Word of God more. 

Many times we question ourselves if we are adequate to serve in an area. Many times we want to say no, because we don't feel confident nor feel that we have the skills. I think all that is very secondary if we look at great leaders from the Bible like Moses (who struggled with confidence and public speaking) and Peter (who was impulsive, and just a fisherman), I see that God doesn't necessary call the most equipped people to serve, but that He chooses the untrained so that they can be trained to bring Him honor. After all, it is not by my strength, but by the power of the Holy Spirit that I serve. Everyone has to start from somewhere to learn, so grow close to God everyday, and discern in what area you can serve Him to bring Him glory, honor, and praise.

it's all about Christ

First of all, a belated Merry Christmas!

It is a time for celebration, relaxing, enjoying, eating, and maybe some shopping. I personally like to spend some time meditating about my life. What are the things that really matter in life? What are the things that I have been learning from God? How should I invest my time the coming new year?

Though celebrating is good thing, I see the importance of meditating why we are celebrating. Because the reason for celebrating Christmas is to commemorate an event that will change the fate of humanity. That God sent His Son, Jesus, to live as a man who embodies the intent from God regarding what a man should be. Jesus taught us how to pray, how to love, how to serve, how to be humble, how to submit, etc. Thw

"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth." - John 1:14

Furthermore, Jesus died on the cross so that in Him we can be reconciled with God, and spent in eternity with Him. To love us, God paid a very costly price with the atonement of Jesus.

Some postmodern thoughts argue that Jesus is not the only way to salvation. And they like to categorize Christianity as been very exclusive. It's true, Christianity is exclusive, Jesus is the only way to God (John 14). But their thoughts are also exclusive themselves, as they are categorizing that Christianity is not the true. So in the end, every religion is exclusive. Out of all religions, I believe that Christianity (which in its core is about a God who gave up His life for the good of His enemies) is the one that can save me and can lead to a life of peace and joy. I know by experience that even if I attempt to achieve morality and do many good works, I always fail. Always falling short. Because I realize I am sinful by nature, and that even though I know what it is good to do, I end up doing what is evil. So, I cannot attain salvation myself. It's only through Christ Jesus, who lived the perfect live that I should live, and received the punishment of my sins that I deserve, so that I can be reconciled with God. This is grace, and that is the beauty of Christianity.

I can't help, but to acknowledge that I am in need of Christ, and that He is the only way to salvation. So I bow down and worship Him. Because it's all about Christ.

For those interested in digging more how to express the supremacy of Christ in this postmodern era, there are this series of lectures from Tim Keller (preaching Christ in post modernism) that are heavy but very helpful. I don't like itunes, but I willing installed it for this haha.


A few random facts about Christmas:

• The reason why Christmas is celebrated on Dec 25
• Not because Jesus was born on Dec 25. Winter in Israel is harsh, and the passages in Luke narrates that there were shepherds taking care of their sheep outside. This suggests that it is likely not winter
• Dec 25 is the winter solstice. It is a cosmic symbolism, the sun gives light, and Christ is the light of the world.
• Some pagan celebrations were on the same day, so installing Dec 25 as Christmas served to re-affirm the truth of Christianity
• The idea of Christmas trees was initiated by Martin Luther (no idea why)
• The sugar cane candy
• The red color symbolizes the blood of Christ that was shed for our sake
• The white color symbolizes the purity, blamelessness, sinlessness of Christ
• The cane refers to the cane of the shepherds
• The cane has a shape of a "J" of Jesus